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Furry Humor Archive (by Colm the Canine Comedian)

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You might be a scaly/furry if... by -Baranth Stormwind

  • You think people saying "bite me" is a open invitation for lunch.
  • Dragonheart is your favorite movie. (for dragons)
  • You own all 8 Land Before Time movies. (for dinos)
  • The word "dragonslayer" makes you cringe.
  • You know that dragons really exist... because you ARE one! (Yep. I'm a dragon.)
  • You're sick and tired of not seeing anthro dragon pics on Yerf. (for male dragons; on last count there are only 12 pics under the heading "dragoness")
  • You've ever bit someone's head off... literally.
  • A snackbar consists of: Deer, horses, cows, sheep, goats, wolves and hoomans
  • You think that Arnold Schwarzenegger is too stringy
  • You liked to picture Roseanne when she was fat... as lunch.
  • You like only one type of TF (transformation) art... the type in which a dragon is involved.
  • You're pissed off at the extremely low number of yiffy dragon stories out there.
  • It's partly your fault for Fanfiction.net having a "Dragonheart" section.
  • You listed Dragonheart as your favorite sci-fi movie... even though it's not sci-fi. (I actually did that. I also listed all 3 movies in The NeverEnding Story series... Talk about guilty pleasures...)
  • You watched Power Rangers...for the Dinozords. (To me, it was so good, I actually watched it until Turbo ended... Another guilty pleasure... [Hey! I was 10 when it started in '93!])
  • You've complained about the lack of scaly pics on Vixen Controlled Library.
  • You eat hoomans, but not other furs. (Reason I'm misspelling human: That's the way most dragons spell human.)
  • You're above the age of 10 and you like Pokemon. (Charizard's so cute... Too bad he's a male... Now as for Dragonair... That's kinda yiffy.)
  • You think that hooman technology is too primitive (at least compared to the technology of my species...)
  • You've tried to think of a scaly version of the word yiff.
    (yiss was then suggested by Colm...)
  • You yiss instead of yiff.
  • You've ever been corrected for saying yiss.
  • Yissing is a way of life for you.
  • The first three letters of your furry code are FDD. (Meaning you're a dragon.)
  • You wonder where the scaly code is.
  • You decided to make up the scaly code.
  • You've ever broken your wings. (I have... twice.)
  • Lunch consists of no veggies or fruit whatsoever.
  • The only reason you read a book is because there's a dragon on the cover.
  • You knew that the title of The Land Before Time 8 (The Big Freeze) was a reference to what killed most of your species. (for dinos)
  • You know that The Land Before Time 8 has nothing to do with Chicxulub, but you watch it anyway. (I hate most dinos, and I'm a asteroid freak.)

  • You're well known for saying yiff, and after reading this list, you accidently say yiss, because it's the version most scalies use.
  • The word "cow" to you doesn't mean "milk". It means "lunch!".
  • A horse isn't something you ride. It's something you eat. (also applicable to wolves)
  • You're ticked at the lack of professional teams with a dragon as their mascot.
  • You get miffed at the multitude of mideval stories where the dragon is the bad guy.
  • The only reason you watched "Shrek" is because there's a dragon in it. (A dragoness, that is.)
  • The only reason you still play Magic: The Gathering is because of the number of dragon cards.
  • You're told to breathe deep and you refuse on account that if you did, you'd get arrested for arson. (Not to mention you'd get sued.)

  • You're 19 and you have at least 3 furry plushies
  • ... that you've had since Reagenomics (the 1980's)
  • You've used either yiff or yiss in place of the f-word.
  • ... At school.
  • You've put your scalesona's name as your name on a test/exam.
  • You know more things about furries and scalies than your biology teacher.
  • ...and she's over the hill.
  • You call one of your teachers a goat.
  • ... And offer to buy her goat formula.
  • Three words on the next movie you want to see: Reign of Fire.
  • You're one of the two kids that actually watches The Land Before Time at your high school.
  • ... And you're not sick of them.
  • You're happy that they're making The Land Before Time IX/9.
  • ... As well as X/10 and XI/11.
  • You think The Land Before Time III is better than Rocky III. (I don't.)
  • You think that the Titanic didn't hit a iceberg.
  • ... You think it hit a sea dragon.
  • You've made at least 15 suggestions to this list.
  • ... And you're not old enough to drink in the U.S.
  • You went to Canada just to buy a beaver plushie.
  • You try to stop the octopus-throwing at Joe Louis Arena
  • ...Even though the Red Wings just won the Stanley Cup
  • You hope that they don't start throwing tigerskins at Comerica Park (or lionskins at Ford Field)
  • You've made up at least 20 Pokémon
  • ... Just to make them anthro
  • ... And one of them is a scaly (Draconeon)
  • ... You borrowed the idea of one of them from a fic on VCL (Aquareon)
  • ... And made a evolution for it (Blizzeon)
  • You've made a new type of Pokémon and it involves religion (Holy types)
  • ... As well as featheries (Angelleon and Seraphion)
  • Finding a angel feather isn't a bad thing.
  • ...It lets you evolve your Eevee
  • ... And the Angelleon ends up being anthro for some reason
  • You joined a Pokémon RPG
  • ...Only because all of the main chars are Pokémorphs (anthro Pokémon)
  • Your main char on the RPG is the first Pokémorph of a certain species (Sonair was the first Aquareon anthro to be discovered; Alexandria is the second [They're both my chars])
  • You got one of the best Pokémorph artists to start drawing Digimorphs (anthro Digimon) even though Pokémon Girls! insults Digimon (I got Phil Shek to start doing Digimorphs; One of the pics on Pokémon Girls! has a tombstone that says "RIP Digimon".)
  • You spend 75% of your time on the 'Net at furry/scaly/feathery sites
  • You came up with the term for scaly yiffing (yissing) (I'm trying to make one for featheries)
  • You've been to a chatroom where 90% of the chatters at one time were scalies

  • you're glad they're making The Land Before Time IX (and X as well as XI)
  • you consider pterosaurs dinos instead of birds.
  • the K-T mass extinction (Chicxulub) is a bigger day in infamy to you than Dec. 7, 1941 (when Japan attacked Pearl Harbor)
  • you want to major in paleontology because you'll be studying your species.
  • you know what draconology is (and you end up studying yourself.)
  • you're been hit by a A-Bomb and survived. (The species of dragon I belong to is immune to radioactivity.)
  • you're pissed Bloody Roar: Primal Fury doesn't have a scaly character in it.
  • you watch Monster Rancher and like Mu's true form.
  • you took Marco's (from Animorphs) comment in Megamorphs #2 about a "quarter tonner with cheese" as a insult.

Scalys have taken over the local con if... by -Baranth Stormwind

  • Someone's asking a large group of congoers to dress up in his character's scalesuits
  • ...All 32 of them.
  • When said person RP's as all 32 of his chars
  • ...in 1 day.
  • When ppl stop asking "When's the next Super Bowl?"
  • ...And start asking "When is the next Land Before Time movie coming out?"
  • When the number of furries and scalies is bigger than the number of regular congoers
  • When there have been complaints by PETA
  • ...At least 5 times at one con
  • When a furry and a scaly duke it out (I plan to do this at MWFF if I find a mouse fursuit)
  • When the dress code is "fur/scalesuits only.".
  • When there's a panel that involves flea dips.
  • When paleontologists come in and search all of the dinosaur scalesuits
  • When the name of that year's con is "Attack of the furries".
  • When the movie "Reign of Fire" is scheduled to be shown at the con
  • ...And the attendance of the con doubles

You're the only scaly in your school district if... - by Baranth Stormwind

  • The best artist in the district can't correctly draw anything anthro.
  • When you put your scalesona's name as your name on a test/exam, one of the other kids sees it and says, "Pern sucks!". (At least he knows how to spot a Pernese dragon...)
  • When you tell your friends about ConFurence and they immediately join PETA.
  • You ask someone to give the definition of the abbreviation "anthro" and they give the definition of anthropology.
  • When, by accident, you forget to mention The Land Before Time 10 when saying which are next, creating the line "Not only is there going to be a 9, but a 11 as well." and somebody calls you a terrorist.

Reasons to play card games for scalys/furries - by by Baranth Stormwind
1. (furry) *You're the one who suggested to Susan Van Camp (the creator of Dragonstorm) that she put in Dog Form.
1a. (scaly) *...And you play mostly dragon chars, not werewolf chars.
2. (furry) * George Clinton is your favorite musician.
2a. (furry) *... Only because he did that song "Atomic Dog".
3. (scaly) * You don't like the fact that most anthro artists don't have dragons as their main character.
3a. (scaly) * You can think of one other than Susan Van Camp. (I can. Jason Canty. I also know of Dragoness, whose main char is Rilrae. Jason's is Lizzan.)
4. (scaly) *On costume day at your high school, you're the only one dressed as a dragon.
4a. (scaly;applies to me) * What ppl don't know is that dragon costume is real.
4b. (scaly;applies to me) * The offical Pernese nut looks at you like your on crack... because your costume is a male gold dragon.
5. (furry; applies to me) * Your mom says you were a cat in a previous life.
5a. (furry;applies to me) *You agree. How else would you know what a cat's facial expressions are if your a guy?
6. (back to the card games) (scaly) * You try to convince Susan Van Camp to create Dinosaur Form for Dragonstorm.

What do you get when you mix Cerium (Ce) and Radium (Ra)?
CeRa from The Land Before Time!
- by Baranth Stormwind

You know you're obsessed with dragons and scalies if/when... by - Baranth Stormwind

You know that your mother is clueless about anthropomorphism when: by - Baranth Stormwind

  • Your mom is with you and you're trying to distract her.
  • *... From seeing that one of the booths near you is Roxikat's. (True: I play Dragonstorm, and Susan Van Camp's booth at Anthrocon is #35. Roxikat's is #44. Which means they're basically right across from each other. I had this happen at one of the local cons I go to in 2000. I was helping with one booth and the booth directly across from the one I was at was Digital Impudendum.)
  • You try to get your mom to buy you a X-rated comic book and she won't let you.
  • ...Even though you're 19. (True: This happened at another local con.)
  • ...And it deals with Pokémorphs, which she is ok with.
  • You fear that if your mom sees that Roxikat's art involves herms, she'll kill you. (True: What makes it worse is I like his art.)

You might be a scaly if... by - Talon

  • you try to blink your nictitating membranes.
  • you have yellow eyes.
  • you are upset that video game systems offer so few Scaly characters.
  • you think that 'Primal Rage' is one of the best games of all time.
  • you call your bed a nest.
  • ...and it looks like one.
  • you call little ones hatchlings, ect...
  • you don't like the word " 'dino'saur" because there isn't really anything terrible about you.
  • your metabolism slows down when it gets cold.
  • you took a trip to go through the portal in the Mario Bros movie.
  • you don't like the song 'Walk the Dinosaur' because in the end they are killing us.
  • the land before time makes you hungry.
  • you've ever considered getting your beef straight from the farm.
  • you have the patience to wait all day for a meal to come within striking range.
  • you made your own 'You might be a Scaly if...' list.
  • people who don't even know you are scaly have given you a scaly nick name.
  • when you think about how the humans evolved you think of reptiles becoming mammals.
  • you find your history books in prehistory or mythology.
  • you find hair to be annoying but warm.
  • you bought a play station just for Spyro.
  • you buy Bic lighters daily for your cheep fire breathing trick.
  • you've ever used turtle wax on your skin.(good for classy events, too shiny for hunting)
  • your skin is as easy to clean as a tile floor.
  • you think that dry skin means that you are about to shed it.
  • you think that the dinos in Jurassic Park are yissy.
 

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