Furry Humor Archive (by Colm the Canine Comedian)

Site Map

You Might Be A Furry
It's a Bad Con When...
--Raptivo's Response
Scaly Jokes!
Too Much Mucking
Short Stories
Top Ten Lists
Song Parodies
Adults Only
Adult Comics

Online Comics
Reccomended Comics
Daily Comics
Semi-Daily Comics
Weelky Comics
Monthly Comics
Periodic Comics
Inactive Comics
Comic Of The Month

The Lion King humor
--You Might Be a Fan If...
--The Lion's Kin
--Intelligence Test
--Villian Application

The Secret of Nimh humor
--Nimh Drinking Game
--Nimh Sequels
--Pinky, Brain, and Nimh

Cat Jokes
--Cat Domination
--Cat Jokes
--Cat's Diary
--What are they?

Dog Jokes
--Dogs and Light bulbs
--If Dogs Could Talk
--What are they?
--Dog Letters to God

Newsgroup Postings
--Animal Sounds
--Dumb Furs

Wav Files

Click to subscribe to The
Furry Humor Egroup




to see the original 'legacy' version, click here. Note: only contains older submissions.

In the proud tradition of 'You Might be a Redneck If...' and 'You Might be a Computer Geek If...', comes

You might be a Furry if . . .


see also:
You Might be a Scaly If...
You Might be a Lion King Fan If...

Terry Knight's You know you're a furry fan when...
G. Raymond Eddy's You Might be a Furry If...
Cloudchaser Shaconage's "You Might Be a Furry If..."(home page)

from www.youmightbe.com: (submitted by Cloudchaser Shaconage) Animaniacs fan | Beanie Babies | a Cat Lover | a Dog Lover

Arranged by Author (in order of submission)-to get your own section, you must submit three or more

Colm McSky
  • you sing Flying Dreams in the shower.
  • you have a life sized Brisby plushie
  • you've seen 'The Secret Of Nimh' more often than you've had a birthday.
  • you've won more than 3 consecutive 'Name Mrs. Brisby' contests, with different names.
  • you have dreams about finding a digitally remastered, widescreen copy of 'The Secret of Nimh'.
  • you keep a female field mouse in a birdcage as a pet.
  • you have the unabridged script to 'The Secret Of Nimh' posted on your living room wall.
  • you warm up your instrument with the first bars of 'flying dreams'.
  • you use 'The Secret Of Nimh' to connect a star to Kevin Bacon.
  • the alpha male of your family pack recorded your copy of "The Secret Of Nimh"
  • you don't know who directed 'Star Wars', but have a signed picture of Don Bluth.
  • you made a flight sim mod that simulates a mouse riding a crow.
  • you know what the she-ra reference is in "The Secret Of Nimh". (if you do, e-mail me!)
  • you can recite the entire script to "The Secret of Nimh", not just line by line, but frame by frame.
  • you have nightmares about Nimh 3

  • you've organized a public recital of "Goodbye may seem forever"
  • you know what model and year Slade's car was.
  • you have one.
  • you can list at least 50 differences between Big Mama and 'Bambi's Owl.

  • you like the name Cadpig, even though it's tough to rhyme.
  • you have done extensive reasearch and much theorizing as to the origin of the name 'Cadpig'.
  • you have ever said 'This tastes like Spot.'
  • you think 'getting lucky' means aquiring a dalmation plushie.
  • you have a videocassette entitled 'the best of Cadpig'
  • the best philosophy teacher you've ever had was Cadpig (maybe this category should be called 'Cadpig')
  • you know the other movie that Jock and Peggy were in

  • you wear a fursuit in the shower
  • you don't recognize yourself in the mirror without your fursuit on.
  • you spend more on Halloween than on Christmas.
  • you feel naked without a collar.
  • you wear a tail *under* your pants.
  • you pretend to be a Goth so people will stop asking you about your collar.
  • you don't have to remove your fursuit to use the restroom.
  • you wear a mask more often than shoes.
  • you judge a ball game by the performance of the mascots.
  • you've ever put flea-killers on your fursuit.
  • you've ever made an ad hoc tail. (or a disposable tail, for that matter.)
  • you grow your hair long enough to form an ad hoc tail
  • you wore a tail to your wedding.
  • you only wear a fursuit on days ending in 'y'.
  • you have collars, but your dogs don't.
  • your closest friends fail to recognize you when you aren't wearing your fursuit.
  • your fursuit is worth more than your car.
  • you keep a rabies tag on your keychain.
  • ALL of your pants have tailsleeves.
  • your fursuit has a better air conditioner than your house.
  • a cop asks for your license and registration, and you show him the rabies tag on your keychain.
  • you get no trick-or-treaters at Halloween because your werewolf costume is too realistic.
  • you've ever been rollerblading dressed as a polar bear

  • you watch Tiny Toons like most people watch Baywatch.
  • you look at Fifi La Fume like most guys look at Jennifer Anniston.
  • you've developed a nervous tic that manifests when you see popeye on Acme Hour.
  • you can't say why, but you're sure that Jar Jar Binks is Furry.
  • you can't decide who the best Star Wars character is: Chewbacca or that Ewok
  • your opinion or your enlish teacher shot up several notches when you found out she liked 'The Land Before Time'
  • you have a strong oppinion wether or not 'The Land Before Time' is furry
  • you've ever bought a 'Mint Condtion' McDonalds Toy on e-bay
  • you have a nonmorphic lion model for quake deathmatches
  • you have been to more that 11 ConFurences.
  • you have an 'authentic' replica of a Freelands coin.
  • you became uncontrollably violent when you discovered that Bobby's World pre-empted 101 Dalmatian's 6:30 am time slot.
  • you go 30 minutes out of your way to see the sign for Wolf's Gym.
  • nothing escapes your attention at a ConFurence, except sleep and nutrition.
  • you have ever spent more than 40 hours straight on FurryMUCK.
  • you use FurryMUCK as a night-light.
  • you've written furry music.
  • you visit this page more often than your favorite search engine.
  • the making of your Jack-O-Lantern involved painting a cucumber orange.
  • you can correctly pronounce houghnhnm.
  • you modeled the pattern on your jack-o-lantern after Kevin Dewclaw.
  • you've written a thesis comparing Disney's and Warner Brothers' styles of animation and characterization.
  • people think you're a miser until they see your furry collection.
  • your best friends' names are "Orange Fox" and "Kitsume" and none of you are either Native American or Japanese.
  • you know what a Kitsume is, and why it is important for them to have lots of tails.
  • you can post to a.f.f. without using your hands.
  • you intentionally avoid washing your car so that you can write 'Yiff' in the dust.
  • your Darth Vader mask has an enlogated muzzle.
  • you keep trying to submit your website to www.dogpile.com itself.
  • you've succeeded in submitting your website to www.dogpile.com itself.
  • you gaze longingly at cereal boxes that you have no intention of buying
  • you have more than $20 riding on the Budweiser iguanas
  • you spent $15 to get an Easter basket package that included a 5-cent cardboard bunny mask.

  • you absolutely require 14 hours of sleep during the day, then only want to eat or go outside at night.
  • you model your hair after Lindesfarne, Ozzymandius, or Daffy.
  • you are quite sure that the voices in your head are anthropomorphic
  • you quote Boojum during nonfurry TS
  • you think nonfurry TS is an oxymoron
  • you schedule your yearly physical with a vet.
  • you think the key to a good relationship has something to do with scents.
  • you've had hair transplants FROM your scalp.
  • you think licking someone's hair is a socially acceptable way of showing affection.
  • 'Wolfe' was the last name of the only person you've ever seriously dated.
  • you model your fingernails after your avatar's claws.
  • you thing shaving is masochistic.
  • you understand the finer points of the philosophical differences between ALF and AFF.
  • you judge the value of a day not by the quality of the TV shows, or the relative location to Friday, but by the average number of postings to a.l.f. and a.f.f.
  • you know how to raise your hackles
  • your idea of a TV dinner is a heaping bowl of kibble.
  • the tip of your red ponytail is died black or white
  • you refer to seasons by the amount of fur you have, loose, or gain.
  • you've ever given yourself a headache by drying you hair.
  • you use milkbones in leu of toothbrushes
  • you can't determine someone's gender wile upwind of them.
  • you think the best way to 'mark your territory' at the office is the old-fashioned one.
  • you Yiff* at football games.
  • you go for that reeeeeeally Mediterranean look
  • your normal overnight luggage includes kitty litter, cat food, flea bath, cat toys, and no cat
  • you've started taping the audio to Newsradio
  • you can't decide between Trix and Frosted Flakes for breakfast
  • you take preventative medicine for heartworms.
  • you believe in love at first scent.

  • you loved 'Godzilla' because you thought he was an anthropomorphic lizard.
  • you loved Godzilla because it starred the voice of Simba.
  • you hated Godzilla because it starred the voice of Simba.

  • you started eating at Taco Bell solely because of that little dog.
  • you have more Taco Bell collector's cups than coffee mugs.
  • you wish you were a Taco Bell Mexican Pizza.
  • you have been forced to discover 101 uses for the Taco Bell combo cup.
  • you've tried to cash in on the 'Free dog with every purchase' offer
  • you subscribed to cable, just in case

  • you'll take any excuse to go to Wal-Mart and see the Back to School ads featuring Lola Bunny.
  • you create a newsgroup to debate about who is more attractive, Lola Bunny or Minerva Mink
  • you don't know what Cindy Crawford looks like, but could draw Lola Bunny in your sleep.
  • you give out anatomically correct Easter bunnies

  • you've ever had a funeral for a plushie.
  • you buy Plushies more often than gas.
  • you're a bachelor with more Plushies than your eight-year-old niece.
  • you own a life sized, homemade Plushie from the movie 'Balto'
  • you've ever spent more than $100 trying to win that Plushie at the town fair.
  • your teddy bear is bigger than your bed.

  • your pets are more exotic than your spices.
  • your pets are all toilet trained, but you still have to empty the litterbox every day.
  • you have collars, but your dogs don't.
  • you keep a female field mouse in a birdcage as a pet.

  • you pronounce 'Jiffy' 'Yiffy'
  • you keep misspelling 'scentence'
  • you've ever had to explain to a mundane what a mundane is
  • you know the difference between a kitsune and a kitsume
  • someone mentions being in the 'slammer', and you think they mean a pound.
  • you quote Boojum in everyday conversation.
  • you quote Boojum during Quake Deathmatches
  • you speak in Furry Code.
  • you use more than 100 words to describe what a Fauve is.
  • you can spell 'digitigrade', but not 'ankle'.

  • you think Bambi had a great rack
  • you watch more cartoons than your 8-year-old grandson does.
  • you have recurring dreams about Frosted Flakes commercials
  • you taped your fourth copy of 'Babe' over your only copy of 'Braveheart'.
  • you've ever paid more than $100 for a tape of an animated feature.
  • you think George Lucas's best work was 'Howard the Duck'.
  • you know the lyrics to "Use Advantage," but not to "Rockin' Robin"
  • you bought a CD writer to record the opening songs of your favorite furry shows.
  • you tape furry commercials.
  • you tape The Quack Pack while you are at work, then don't have the heart to tape over them after you watch it.
  • you have a videocassette entitled 'the best of M'ress'
  • you know every one of "the Tramp's" names
  • you have a chronic, irrational fear of dip.
  • you would have to guess at the color of Aladdin's hair, but know how many stripes Raja had
  • you can name 14 things wrong with the Kilrathi from the Wing Commander movie
  • you go thru shampoo like a 747 goes thru fuel (or motor oil)
  • you buy adobe photoshop pro just to color one furry pic.
  • you watch pet food commertial like most guvs watch womens shampoo commertials
  • you have a band of untanned skin around your neck

Roland Bloodthunder
  • you think your foreign language dictionary is useless because it doesn't have a name for your animal in it.
  • you think the oxford english dictionary is useless because it doesn't have definitions for "yiff" and "spooge".
  • you wrote a paper on the superiority of animals over humans as your college thesis.
  • you wrote a starcraft modifier that allows you to play as an anthro animal (True! The piffles are coming)
  • you hate Sonic, but buy the comics because you think the femmes are yiffy.
  • you sniff your I/O port whenever you meet a friend on furrymuck.
  • you only read furry comics,declaring all the others as "full of hairless trash."
  • you created an egroup just for the purpose of making furry comics/games. (www.egroups.com/group/thefuzzypen -no one will be rejected!)
  • you have tried to overrun the FHA with your bad jokes!

you know you're a fanboy when...
  • You bought a WWII dive-bomber for $40,000 just because of the nose-art of the busty, nude skunkette straddling a torpedo.
  • You bought a terabyte hard drive just to hold your yiffy art gallery.
  • ...Twice.
  • ....And you need a third.
  • Two jobs, 10,000 shares of Microsoft stock, and the 1999 Georgia lottery winnings can't feed your appetite fast enough in the "Adult Art" sections of cons.
  • When you printed our a hard copy of your yiffy gallery, the national paper supply dropped by 30%.
  • ...And you went through 4 laser printers and 30,000 ink cartridges.
  • ...And it took two years.
  • You spent 5 years in college just to learn enough to find out whether you had a better chance of finding furries in space or cloning them.
  • ...You put $5-mil in each option, just in case.

you might be a furry if...
  • You watched every darn episode of Tenchi Muyo, just to be dissapointed when Ryo-oki didn't "Go Anthro".
  • You watch Dragon Ball Z just because some of the extras are furries.
  • You turned on DBZ right after reading the above line.
  • When you hear the "Pussycat, pussycat, I love you" song, you get a COMPLETELY different image in your head than everyone else.
  • You know that ANY movie becomes cooler when furries are the stars, right?
  • You are spending every spare moment of your time making a computer animated movie that stars furries, despite the fact you're going against company regulations by using their computers.
  • You only buy from companies that have names like Fox or Jhon Deere.
  • You draw ears, whiskers and a tail on every picture you have of yourself that doesn't show you in a fursuit.
  • You tried to draw ears, whiskers and tails on all the actors on tv. But they moved around, and you grabbed a permanent marker.
  • ...But you still think it looks better.
  • You make it to every con. Without getting out of your fursuit. Of course, you never get out of your car either.
  • You have done extensive research on "the Werefolf Gene" (causes every surface of your epidermis to sprout thick, wolf-like hair) and you can't understand why life was so cruel as to not let you have it.
  • ...You started researching like crazy after reading the above line.

Signs you were destined to be furry as a child:

  • Disney's Robin Hood was your favorite movie (and it still is!)
  • YOU never asked how the animals in Loony Tunes developed the abilty to talk...you thought that was the natural way!
  • You watched nature programs...over and over and over.
  • You watched a nature program about foxes in third grade...the same time at which the word "yiff" entered your vocabulary!
  • You read ALL the readwall books.
  • Then memorized them.
  • Then started QUOTING martin.
  • I'm not even going to mention the nasty incident with Scotland Yard and Brian Jaques' home residence...the 30 food shrine made of plushies was a nice touch though...
  • You spent all your allowence money on plushies...which is odd, since you are male...
  • You got "The Talk" after the thing with the plushies...
  • You kept talking about rabbits and foxes during the whole "talk"...and seemed to know more about it than your dad...
  • You played the Big Bad Wolf in ALL the school plays...despite the fact you usually ruined the play by attackign the audience...
  • And then there was the time you decided to play "The Big Yiffy Fox"
  • You mistook The Lion King for one of your favorite nature programs...multiple times...
  • Whenever the wolf of the fox was killed in one of those old Looney Tunes, you turned off the TV and couldn't sleep all night!
  • Then there was that whole thing where you attacked warner borhters for showing something that was so cruel to the good animals in the world and so generous to useless farm animals...not like you don't like them too!
  • Minerva was your first girlfriend.
  • followed by Lola and when no one was looking, Omaha.
  • You wrote the 18 statements above.
  • You actually read this.
  • Sniff...thank you! No one ever reads my jokes!
  • No, really! I mean I'm not exactly talented and all...
  • Yeah yeah...I really do need a hobby. Say didn't you have to go somewhere?
  • No? Well ok then...stay put, I'm going to recite the furry FAQ from memory! It's my holy text ya know!
  • I know all the versions! I think...Lesse...Ummm "What Is A Furry?" A Furry is a...wait which version am I reciting again?
  • Ok then let's see YOU do this!
  • I'm a WHAT???
  • Oh so THAT"S the way it is! Running away eh? Come back here! The "Bad Comedian" always triumphs!

Akira Shima
  • you are willing to spend thousands of dollars on schooling just to learn how to do facial appliances to do a fursuit closer to anatomically correct
  • you think it only makes sense for Goths to were dog collars
  • you try to figure out what every movie star musician public figure would be if they transformed (Akira Shima)
  • you have figured out how to be a furry character in every role playing game
  • you hate Magic the Gathering Card game but buy it for the occasional furry art
  • you have bought book solely on the fact that there was an animals name in the title only to be devastated that it had nothing to do with it
  • you cannot name all 50 states but you can name 50 furry artists
  • you go out of your way to find an outdated and mostly useless Gaming book because you like the furry art in it better
  • you think Werewolf The Apocalypse from WhiteWolf Studios is the Holy grail of gaming
  • you bought it solely based on the name alone
  • you cannot install anything useful on your hard drive because it has been eaten up by all the furry art and writing
  • you have ever yelped from sitting on your tail only to realize that you do not have one
  • when being given a shot the people in the emergency room are truly convinced there is an animal in your room
  • your roommate has ever yelled at your cat for sharpening it's claws but you are the real culprit
  • you think the saying "You are nothing but animal" is a compliment
  • your best friends have always been animals and those strange humans confound you
  • the closest you will refer to yourself as a human is "Tool Using Mammal"
  • you think leash laws are unconstitutional
  • you have ever stopped short of going into a store because it said no animals allowed
  • you insist on sitting on the floor at someone's home where animals are not allowed on the furniture
  • you sleep on the floor because your Plushies and real animals need the bed space
  • you forget how to speak in the human tongue but it dose not matter because your friends are used to the fact you speak in cat anyway {meows facial expressions}
  • you use the words in the Lapine Glossary from Watership down in real life
  • you wonder why if the politically correct movement was replacing all derogatory remarks with PC alternatives then why is the word human still used
  • you use the syllable "Fur" like the little blue guys used "Smurf"
  • your daily vocabulary has mutated to AnyFur, EveryFur, Fursonally, Fur(for), Furry(now an all purpose adjective)Etc...

Slick Fox
  • you find yourself singing the hampster dance tune... (some of us have gone as far as burning it on cdr's :))
  • your teacher looks at you when she mentions the behaviors of animals.
  • your class body refurs to you as an animal.
  • your teacher has to correct your spelling of 'for' because your spell checker keeps over looking the word 'fur'.
  • getting scratched behind your ear turns you on.
  • you like to watch Blues clues more than your sister.
  • you would rather piss on a tree or fire hydrant rather than in a toliet.
  • your family members disown you for finding holes in your plushies.

Paul Chism
  • when someone threatens you, you call the ASPCA instead of the police.
  • you feel the uncontrollable urge to howl when you hear sirens.
  • you hide when you see the dogcathcher coming down the street.
  • the dogcather tries to catch you.

Tailmar 'Taily' Prower
  • you growl at your mother/father/guardian when they tell you to clean your room
  • ...and the thing you need to clean up is your collection of yiffy art that they've already seen.
  • ...and approved of...(spooky!)

  • you listen to music who's singer or title has an animal in it.
  • you sing songs from furry movies out loud.
  • . . . .in public

Da Bird
  • you've ever had "Phantom Tail Syndrome."
  • you've never had your tail off long enough to have "Phantom Tail Syndrome."
  • you've ever tried to use "yiff" or "murr" in Scrabble.
  • ...And your opponent let you.
  • ...Then you argued over whether or not "foxtaur" has an apostrophe.
  • Being called a "son-of-a-bitch" only bothers you because your mother's a vixen/tigress/etc.
  • you know what someone's furry code means without having to decode it first.

  • You are waiting anxiously for the Beta of that Animalia mod for Unreal Tournament to be released (will still take a few months)
  • You made a furry model for UT/Quake 2/Quake 3 Arena/any other shooter
  • ...with a realistically animated tail
  • You didn't buy The Sims because there are no pets other than fish in it
  • You've ever rung up your vet at 2 AM

  • you think relations between Humans, Selonians, and Drall in the Corellian sector are improving
  • you fantasize about Selonians
  • you know what Selonians are (e-mail me if you do!)
  • you know the scientific names, lifespan, and size of all 13 types of otter
  • you attend The Church Of the Quivering Otter
  • you downloaded every MIDI song, WAV, MOD, and MP3 on otters you could find
  • your nickname is Otterman
  • your favorite non-fiction book is Okee: An Otter In the House
  • your favorite movie is Ring of Bright Water (guess the subject)
  • you've written a book series about your life as a fur
  • you carry around a pencil and note pad in case of a flash of inspiration
  • ...It has a prologue, epilogue, and 45 chapters in between
  • ...It sells
  • you own every single Redwall book in hardcover
  • you've been to Great Britain to get them because they weren't released in the U.S. yet
  • you address every problem with "Now, what would Martin the Warrior do?"
  • you have a newfound respect for mice
  • you go around trying to kill "vermin" with a letter opener
  • your parents don't find this strange
  • you downloaded Napster for the logo of a kitty with headphones on
  • you don't shave after October so you can grow a winter coat.
  • you can keep conversations going in four different furry related MUCKs and ICQ on top.
  • you have two or more different emails reflecting your furry character.
  • you try to visualize music goups as furries.
  • you see youself in one of the furry bands as a furry.

John The Hedgehog
  • you wanted a Dog bath instead of a regular bath
  • you went to a pet shop and bought an Animal to have as your boyfriend/Girlfriend
  • you Desguised yourself as a Deer because You want to get the job at burger King.
  • you have a painting called The Hustler
  • you like Dogs and dream of being one.
  • you want to mate with a doe.
  • you thought Sonic is faster than The Roadrunner.
  • you Have been branded your pants.
  • you Have a Lion's Tag on your Ear.
  • you Think that a Woman has to be a brunette with skinny arms and legs and have a plad skirt and Try to chase her tail (If She Had One :) )
  • you have a girl who sheds hair all Over the floor.
  • you thought that Bambi Should have been alive.
  • you been in one chat with people with Chat Last names like: Hedgehog,Fox,Kangaroo,cats,Jaguar cheetah,etc..

  • you grieve about the Road Rovers being canned more than your family's demise.
  • you never thought that in boardgames, 'roll' could mean the dice, not yourself.
  • you get miffed when you see a No Animals sign...
  • ...only because you think they won't let YOU in.
  • someone says "Here kitty, kitty," and you spring up first.
  • you splurge on a hi-tech supercomputer just to render a CG pic of your furry persona...
  • ...and animate it...
  • ...yiffing another fur.
  • who cares what people say? Body hair is wonderful!
  • you relate your personal memories to somebody who've just been called a son-of-a-bitch.
  • you lobby for the creation of the Miss Furry Universe Pageant...
  • ...(for gals) with you as the winner.
  • ...(for guys) and then yiff all the contestants.
  • you've had many strange people asking you if it's already Halloween.
  • you have yiffy furry pinups in your room...
  • ...and everyone who sees them don't find them odd...
  • ...in fact, some of them are in those pictures!
  • when you get a cold, the first person you call is the vet...
  • ...and he comes home to check on you...
  • ...and gives a prescription.

  • you recently finished an autobiography about your furry persona(s)...
  • ...it's categorized as non-fiction ...
  • ...and serialized, you're up to Part 43 now...
  • ...not to mention that it's selling very well...
  • ...and you're already writing a sequel (Many Muzzles of Me)...
  • ...also available, the Uncut Version and Full Volume Edition.
  • you'll only marry people with animal last names so you can be Mrs. Wolf or something.
  • you spend millions to get a plastic surgeon to turn you into a furry...
  • ...and when you fail, spend more millions learning to do plastic surgery on yourself.
  • you consider plastic surgery so you can have a muzzle...
  • ...or fluffy ears, or canine teeth, or tails, or fur.
  • you're calm in a hospital operating room, but nervous sending your pet to the vet.
  • you've stopped wondering why dogs chase their tails, because you're doing it yourself...
  • ...and your friends and family enjoy your antics.
  • you put headphones on top of your head.
  • you're bored of mundanes extolling 'human rights'.
  • the word 'fur' outnumbers all the commas in your writing.
  • getting 'tied up' means more than just 'busy'.
  • you get confused on the purpose of toilet bowls...
  • ...and fire hydrants.
  • you call people who play with dolls 'childish', then go home to your favourite plushie.
  • you go out searching for dates in mating season...
  • ...and find yourself all 'tied up' in the morning.
  • the filenames of your pictures all end in .YIF ...
  • ...and that explains a lot about those pictures.
  • you really do wonder what's so great about those Playboy magazines.
  • you ponder if FurryMUCK is the real world and real life is some kind of MUD...
  • ...you find out that both are true!

  • you managed to give up cigarettes in favour of MUCKing...
  • ...you managed to give up eating and sleeping, too.
  • you cheer for the werewolf when watching a were movie...
  • ...and hate the hero for killing it...
  • ...and then turning into one and eating the neighbours.
  • you had high hopes for the X-Files, until you find out Fox Mulder isn't really a fox.
  • all the photos of you are 'touched up' so that they look like your furry persona.
  • the cat drags in a dead bird, and you're really excited...
  • ...but you drag in a corpse, and the cat ignores you. (Okay, that was bad...)
  • the plush shop owner names his kid after you.
  • you fall madly in love with a sports mascot...
  • ...and start stalking it.
  • you're glad to show your plushie collection to absolutely anyone...
  • ...with holes/stains and all.
  • you have a soap opera in your room, starring all your plushies.
  • the paperboy plays fetch every morning with you...
  • ...and you bring the paper in with your mouth.
  • people keep asking which sports team you are from.
  • you scare your friends by brushing your teeth halfway and acting rabid.
  • you consider laying down fiber-optic cables so you could download furry pics faster...
  • ...and it's still not fast enough.
  • in forms, under Race, you put Wolf/Fox/Taur/Whatever.
  • that vixen you've had TS with just got pregnant.
  • ...with triplets.

  • you misinterpret the phrase 'horse mounting'.
  • you peruse the tabloids hoping to get the scoop on cartoon characters.
  • you think being called 'bitch' / 'son-of-a-bitch' is stating the obvious.
  • you love the non-lethal psychotropic drug commonly known as catnip.
  • you try to make a 'butt-sniff' chat emoticon...
  • ...and you succeed, with amazing detail.
  • people don't seem to be saying 'bite me' around you.
  • fingerprints can't identify you anymore.
  • who needs can openers when you have claws?
  • your list of Furry Ifs are three pages long...
  • ...and that's not counting the parts about Plushies, Lion King, Yiffing, etc.

Bingo Dingo
  • You name one of your kids, regardless of gender, Hazel.
  • You search *everywhere* for a pet rabbit with the right qualities to call him Bigwig. .
  • ..and you actually succeed.
  • You refere to afternoon as ni-Frith, midnight as fu-Inlé, etc.
  • ...and your friends know what you mean.

  • You go fishing without a fishing pole.
  • You actually catch fish in such a manner.
  • You find it very hard to stay awake during the winter months.
  • One of your bumper stickers says 'Support the right to arm bears'. (I actually have this sticker!)
  • You work out with weights simply to bulk out and look more bear-like.
  • You want to move to Kodiak, Alaska someday.
  • You live in Kodiak, Alaska, and believe it to be the greatest place on Earth.
  • You actually like the taste of insect grubs.
  • You prefer the stock market to be bearish, not bullish.
  • You use Rogaine. On body surfaces other than your head.
  • The Rogaine actually proves very effective in this manner.
  • Whenever you give a hug, you accidentally break the person's ribs.
  • You grow your fingernails long, sharpen them, and paint them black.
  • You use artificial nails (no matter your gender), sharpen them, and paint them black.
  • You can actually use one of these types of nails as effective weapons.
  • When upset, you growl instead of swear.

    You know you're a FurVERT when...

    • You're appearing on the *cover* of Vanity Faire for their follow-up article!
    • Katherine Gates is devoting an entire book to your fetishes alone!
    • The stuffed animals section of the local Toys 'R' Us has a large poster of your face... with a giant red slash sign through it.
    • Your commission sketchbook has made artists flinch.
    • You've proposed to a Minerva Mink fursuiter.
    • You've proposed to a Minerva Mink furSUIT!
    • Max BlackRabbit had to take out a restraining order against you.
    • You didn't even realize that Omaha was a city.
    • You take all those 'beaver' jokes LITERALLY!
    • You sandwich a tape of "Tiny Toon Adventures" inbetween two PORNOS at the video rental shop.
    • You wrote a $500 best-selling web-creating & animating program...
    • ...but noone can ever figure out what the "YiffyTemplates" file folder means...
    • ...until it's TOO LATE.

    You might be a CHEAP Furry if...

    • If you've ever gotten free plushies.. by boosting them from makeshift "shrines" set up where some kid died in the street...
    • ...And given them to a friend!
    • If your bear fursuit was once your parent's bear-skin rug.

    You're a Furry Artist when...

    • halfway through a picture, you flawlessly convert a yiffy rough to a squeaky clean finish when you realize the girl you're drawing it for is only sixteen.

    You know you're a Furry Artist in College when...

    • all your still lifes involve plush animals.
    • the most frequent answer to any other student's question is: "It's *not* beastiality!!"
    • all your nude models end up with tails (and other new body parts, where applicable) out of habit.
    • you do more sketching in Math/Bio/History lecture than in 2D Design /Studio Drawing /Life Drawing--
    • --and your classmates are actually arriving early so they can sit behind/above you--
    • --while others insist that you've got to pass your sketchbook to the back row.
    • you find that girls don't like your yiffy stuff--
    • --unless it's really, *really*, REALLY freaky yiffy stuff--
    • --involving guys.
    • you ConFurted a Campus Christian Choir member.
    • students point at you--
    • --during family weekend--
    • --and their mothers burst into tears at the realization of what *you've* done to their child.
    • noone uses drugs on your floor anymore, mainly because the last thing any stoner wants is to encounter a fursuiter while tripping.
    • a class model is wondering what kind of animal is s/he, since you're using his/her poses in yer sketchbook anyways.
    • the PETA types don't understand that they're actually holding up signs that say "People for the Erotic Treatment of Anthropomorphs."

    (note: ConFurt-(v)to con-vert a seemingly 'mundane' person into furry fandom. ConFurted, ConFursion.)

    You know you're a fursuiter when...- by Michael "Big Bear" Setzer

    • You receive a letter from S C Johnson Co. (makers of Enbac) personally thanking you for the support of their product.
    • When undressing you instinctively reach for the zipper in the back.
    • You have a headshot of your fursuit on your driver's license/state ID.
    • You feel naked without your fursuit.
    • You know your fellow fursuiters more by the names of the characters they play than their real names.
    • You find yourself using pantomine rather than talking to get your point across.
    • You think nothing of subsisting for months on water and Ramen Noodles (tm) to be able to afford that new fursuit you want.
    • You go to an amusement park just to hang out with the costumed characters.
    • You're so used to the limited vision that your fursuit provides that you will often bump into things and trip on things even when out of your fursuit.
    • You don't have any childern, yet you have videotapes of programs such as Barney and Friends, Bear in the Big Blue House, Dumbo's Circus, Rimba's Island, and Welcome to Pooh Corner.

    You might be a Furry if... - by Lord Fox Wolfden

    • you can't own a waterbed/air matress because you're worried about your claws tearing it up.
    • you can't sleep on your back because your tail bothers you.
    • you watch pokemon and wonder why only certain ones actually talk.
    • you own the entire series of "land before time" movies.
    • You hate automatic doors because you keep getting your tail caught in them :(
    • you have a furry "the sims" character model.
    • You hate it when an animal rights group pours red paint on you... while exclaiming "fur is murder"...
    • you wish that one song's line went "i want to Yiff you like an animal".
    • you have a list of furs you would like to yiff.
    • your neighbors refuse to leave you alone in a room with their pet...
    • You fantasize about starring in a furry movie.
    • you were upset when they ran "cats" for the last time on broadway....
    • you own the video version of the above.
    • you no longer own any knives because you are so good with your claws.
    • you hate your car because your ears rub on the roof... and you can't find the perfect spot for your tail.
    • you own a full set of custom made teeth...
    • YOU are akc registered.
    • You own a vehicle named after an animal.
    • you call your house a den.
    • You think behaving like a human in public is wrong.
    • you haven't been seen out of your fursuit since you bought it.
    • you take pictures of any building with an anthro character on their sign. {i.e. wolfie's subs.}... you've emailed these pictures to people... who actually liked them!!

    You might be a Furry if... - by Jason

    • You wish there was a remake of the original Heavy Metal movie, starring furry characters (I'd be the first person to buy it).
    • You watch the scene where the human gets bullet-holed by an enemy fighter in the original, and don't flinch, but you turn your head during the same scene when it's a furry who gets killed.
    • You've started on the storyboard sketches for the Furry Heavy Metal movie...
    • You get depressed whenever you look at a mirror.
    • You have a friend who asks you refer to him as "Ferret".
    • You hear the song "Chew" by Jello Biafra, and kinda wish the events mentioned in the lyrics would really happen. Well, you'll just have to listen to it, then.
    • You bring along your 9-year old sister to the video rental place, just to have an excuse to get "All Dogs Go To Heaven".

    You might be a Furry if ... - by Talon

    • you've gotten your rabies shots.
    • you've grown and sharpened your nails into claws.
    • you consider yourself or a family member your pack/herd leader.
    • you speak in some strange language.
    • ...and members of your species understand you.
    • ...but your English (or other language) skills are fading.
    • you don't refer to your dew claws as thumbs.
    • ...and you could easily get along without them.
    • you get sensory feedback from body parts that you don't have.
    • when someone shows their teeth while smiling, you growl at them.
    • when you growl/roar people back away in fear.
    • ...animals back away in fear.
    • ...your friends just look to make sure you are not mad at them.
    • ...animal control is called in.
    • you completely check yourself daily for any sign of furriness.
    • you get a thrill from sneaking into places with signs saying 'no animals allowed'.
    • ...and you get kicked out when you are caught.
    • when you see an animal (on your species prey list) you find yourself planning an ambush.
    • you refer to the humans from a third person/species point of view.
    • you watch nature shows like other people watch sports (go alligators)
    • you are digitigrade more than half of the time
    • ...and don't realize it.
    • you turn around whenever you close a door so that you don't get your tail caught.
    • you are upset that video game systems offer so few animal characters.
    • you've memorized statistics about your species. (height, weight)
    • ...you've memorized detailed statistics about your species. (mating season, hunting/foraging tactics)
    • ...you follow them.
    • ...you are part of the statistics.
    • you know a base system other that base ten.(base six, 5+1=10)
    • when the cat drags in a dead bird you hope it will share.
    • your home page is furry.
    • your computer is furry.
    • something in your house not normally associated with furriness is furry.
    • your dreams (night/day) are furry.
    • ...and you maul any humans that dare enter that dream.
    • you grow your own winter coat.
    • you have been banned from the vets until you get a pet.
    • the police keep your finger prints and bite marks on file.
    • you are a quadruped half of the time.
    • ... and don't realize it.
    • you've tried to make an appointment with Dr. Moreau.
    • you could communicate with Dr. Doolittle or the Beast Master easier that with a normal person.
    • you have considered or have tattoos that match your species colourings.
    • you call your bed a nest.
    • ...and it looks like one.
    • you call little ones cubs, pups, ect...
    • when you were little instead of being spanked you were hit with a rolled up newspaper.
    • you find nothing wrong with anything that is listed here that applies to you.
    • when you go camping you have to make your own food because of the 'don't feed the animals' sings.
    • you pride yourself on how sharp your teeth are.
    • ...and what you can bite through.
    • when you get hurt your family/friends take a few minuets deciding to call the hospital or the vet.
    • ...and they decide on the vet.
    • ...the hospital sends you to the vet.
    • you worry that if you get amnesia you will forget being human (semi human anyway)
    • ...then you'll bite someone and they will have to put you down.
    • you've ever barked at a passing car.

    You know you're a hopeless furry when... - by John Smith

    You might be a furry if... - by Lupis Lupine

    • You stayed up all night and read the entire "You Might be a Furry if..." Section.
    • ...And have memorized most of it or all of it
    • You model yourself after a well known fur.
    • your friend's have forgotten your REAL name.
    • ......and so has your family.
    • You have gotten several other people to call you by a furry name.
    • Your plushies are considered your loved ones.
    • Your cry and provide a proper burial for a plushie that a dog chewed up.
    • You eat dog biscuts or cat treats.
    • ....and enjoyed them
    • all of your plushies are named.
    • ...and you remember their names.
    • You have memorized most of the script for both the Balto 1 and 2 movies.
    • You idolize Kevin Bacon only because he did the vioce of Balto.
    • You noticed that balto's eyes are yellow in one movie but white in the other.
    • You think Jenna's hot.
    • You look for nude pictures of the female characters in Balto and are discouraged when you don't find any. (... which means your not looking hard enough -Colm)
    • The word 'Yiff' is considered normal everyday conversatian by you.
    • You can make a complete sentence with the word 'Yiff'.
    • ....and others can understand you.
    • You dye your tail to look like a fox's.
    • You refer to having sex as 'Yiffing'.
    • You yell 'Yiff' as you climax.
    • ..... and so does your girlfriend.
    • Your pets treat you as another animal.
    • You sleep in a doghouse.
    • The term 'In the doghouse' brings about wishful thinking.
    • You legally change your first name to one that sounds more 'furry-ish'.
    • You try and change your last name to one that sound more 'furry-ish'.
    • .......and you pull it off!

    • you have ever submitted a "You Might Be A Furry If..." joke (katanawolf)
    • in a fire, you would save your plushies before your family (katanawolf)

    • you pass up a new episode of The X Files in favor of yet another rerun of Who Framed Roger Rabbit. (Dingo Jay)

    • you cheer on the athletes during a showing of Anamalympics (Joshua D. Cutlip)

    • you accidentally said "Eat manure" instead of shit.(HyBrithe)
    • you think calling someone a "human" is an insult.(HyBrithe)

    • you lust of Lola Bunny and are upset to find absolutly NO nude pics of her on the net. (Tim C.)
    • you play redneck rampage just to hear that vixen song.(Tim C.)

    • you smile like this! =^_^= (BAR-1)

    • you spend your time reading "you might be a furry if. . ."(Dark Fox)
    • you spend day and night looking for someone "perfect" for your liking(Dark Fox)

    • when you spend $50 for a videocrypt decoder just to watch Cartoon Network (Servus Casandro)

    • you spend hours on end trying to fix the characters of "The Sims" to look like anthros. (Jack, Cat)

    • You desperately want to invite Fifi La Fume over for a 10 day sleepover....(heh heh heh) (Kudos!)

    • You pick colleges not by academical standards but by what their mascot it. (me im goin to Foxworthy's College in Arkansas, Harvard has nothing on me) (Foxykid69)

    • you might be a furry if you wipe your ass by spraying it with a hose. (Jonathan Maher)

  • You watch stuff like Samuri Pizza Cats,Digimon,Thundercats,The Houndcats & Pokemon when your sick off school. (unitedkronos)

    *Yiff (yif) v. 1. to suddenly exclaim the word 'Yiff' 2. to suddenly exclaim the word 'Yiff' with a high pitched voice.


      Best viewed 800x600 or higher in IE 4 or higher

    All webpages are property of Colm McSky and may not be distributed without permission. All content (jokes, etc) is property of its author and cannot be distributed without permission.